Coming to terms with pregnancy loss (again)

pregnancy loss

This is by far the hardest post I ever wrote, but at the same time it also feels incredibly liberating. Writing everything down, helps immensely with the coping process. I was getting ready to publish a completely different post – a pregnancy announcement, but sadly my pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 11 weeks. 

Unfortunately, this was not my first miscarriage. I had one a few years ago, before we had our beautiful little girl. We were devastated the first time it happened (I was 6 weeks along) and the truth is, it never gets any easier. However, I am very lucky to have an incredibly supportive husband and family. 

This time around, I had a missed miscarriage, which meant that the baby had passed away earlier (the doctors couldn’t tell me exactly when), but my body had failed to register that something was wrong. I started spotting at 11 weeks and with a heavy heart made an appointment with my GP. Spotting in pregnancy is not always a sign, that something is wrong, but I had a gut feeling. I was booked in for a scan the next morning. That night was horrendous. Not knowing whether there was a beautiful new life forming inside me or whether I was miscarrying was torturing. Sadly the scan confirmed my fears. On a positive note, the nurses and doctors in hospital were incredible – so nice, caring and supportive – Thank you!

I thought long and hard about publishing this post as it is something so very personal to share, but what really helped me in the first few weeks, after we found out that I was miscarrying, was looking through forums and realising that these early miscarriages happen to so many women and that I am not alone. There is so much encouragement to be found online. By sharing this post, I am hoping that I can give some of this encouragement to other women who are going through the same. There is always light at the end of the tunnel! it is hard to come to terms with pregnancy loss and it hurts (both physically and emotionally), but there is also an amazing support network out there – whether this is online or/and through family and friends. 

We will try again and will hopefully be able to give our little girl a baby brother or sister in the not so distant future.

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14 Comments

  1. September 30, 2015 / 7:56 am

    Darling girl, I’m so sorry. Sending love from Australia xx

    • Heidi
      September 30, 2015 / 2:30 pm

      Thanks so much Tess!!

  2. September 30, 2015 / 8:38 am

    My heart missed a beat when I read the title and when I read on my eyes filled with tears. Such a brave post because I know the pain and the inner turmoil, having gone through four miscarriages, two before each of my lovely boys was born. Words can’t express the heartfelt hug that winging its way to you, Heidi. Sometimes little souls are only meant to touch our lives briefly, but that doesn’t mean we ever forget them. I’ve learnt to treasure my special little ones and they are in my heart forever. The fact you are sharing this isn’t only brave because it’s so raw, but it really does help others. There is a grieving process, something that wasn’t really recognised at the time it happened to me. There was pressure to ‘move on’ and with hindsight I came to realise I’d surpressed my feelings. They surfaced later in life, out of the blue and that’s not something I’d wish on anyone. So take each day as it comes and let the tears flow when you need to. Sending much love, Lxxx

    • Heidi
      September 30, 2015 / 2:29 pm

      Thank you so much for your lovely words Linn. They really mean a lot to me.

  3. September 30, 2015 / 8:42 am

    A brave and honest post Heidi, thank you for sharing.

    • Heidi
      September 30, 2015 / 2:29 pm

      Thank you Jane!

  4. September 30, 2015 / 4:12 pm

    It’s great you found a support network on the forums Heidi.

    Very brave to share something so personal. Sending you positive energy and love. xx

    • Heidi
      October 1, 2015 / 11:46 am

      Thanks so much Shaz!!

  5. September 30, 2015 / 8:43 pm

    Oh Heidi, I’m so sorry. Sending you and your family love and positive thoughts x

    • Heidi
      October 1, 2015 / 11:46 am

      Thank you Kate!

  6. September 30, 2015 / 9:35 pm

    Hi lovely!
    I’m so sure to hear this!
    It’s very brave of you to share it! I’m sending you lots love, strength, sunshine and much more, Simona xx

    • Heidi
      October 1, 2015 / 11:46 am

      Thanks Simona. Much appreciated!!

  7. October 2, 2015 / 1:30 pm

    Hi Heidi,

    I can’t even begin to understand what you went through, but I find it brave that you are openly talking about it. Best wishes and if I may, I would love to suggest a book to you, its Anchored by Kaylaa Aimee. It’s about finding hope in unexpected places and the author herself went through difficulties in her pregnancy, it also has a Christian touch to it.
    I would like to apologise in advance if you find my suggestion to be offensive or insensitive. I just remembered her book, as I was a part of its online promotion team, when I read this post. I sincerely hope it helps you in some way. The link is http://www.amazon.com/Anchored-Finding-Unexpected-Kayla-Aimee-ebook/dp/B00YVNLI76/ref

    • Heidi
      October 2, 2015 / 1:59 pm

      Thank you for your lovely comment Bee. I’ll definitely have a look at the book you recommended.

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